The Squirrel Chronicles

Today I said..........

2007-05-15T21:39:00.001-04:00

"Not a problem"

and I really meant........

"Screw You"

For Theo

2007-05-14T20:22:00.002-04:00

At the request of Theo, I am re-attempting my blogging.

Hi Theo!!!

All is well in lizzyland.
Today I looked in the backyard at all the plants, and the rhododendrons are dying. I think. The leaves are turning red and falling off.
So I went to the local garden store to look for some plant food.
I located the nearest employee to request assistance.
I prefaced the coversation like this:
"Hi, I hope you can help me. I have a yard."

2007

2007-01-01T10:57:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year!

Hooray for 2007!

My Resolution for 2007 is to continue to learn Spanish, and to create a scrapbook album of childhood photos for everyone in my family and Juan's family.

Perhaps I won't see any of you until 2008.....

Back to BRAT

2006-12-19T18:10:00.000-05:00

I have been on the BRAT diet now for over a week (bananas, rice, applejuice and toast)
Yesterday I went to work and was actually feeling pretty good. After my first job, but before my second job, I decided to stop at the grocery store to grab a quick dinner between works.

But they do not have the BRAT diet at the Wegmans Market Cafe. Oh no. They have Chinese Food and Pizza at the Market Cafe.

And I have not eaten real food in over a week.

I walked in there and became immediately entranced by the wafting fried food smell.
I ate an eggroll.
And some turkey chili.
And a vanilla muffin.
And a bagel.

And then I became violently ill.

Riddled with Germs

2006-12-17T11:30:00.000-05:00

There's a new saying around our house that goes a little something like this:

"If the dog doesn't have diarrhea, then we do."

Sancho is recovering quite nicely, gaining weight and being playful and all.
Just wish we could enjoy it, since now Juan and I BOTH have the stomach bug.

The doctor told us it could last up to TWO WEEKS.
I had to pull out of the cookie exhange at work, because REALLY...who wants a dozen cookies from MY kitchen right about now?

Pockets Full of Nothing

2006-11-14T18:34:00.000-05:00

Here is Sancho with his VERY long legs. They were going to kill him at the puppy mill because his legs were too long, and that was bad for breeding.
The vets have found a "difficult to detect" parasite in his stool.
"Difficult to detect" is Vet Speak for "Sorry it cost you 2 grand for us to find this worm in your dog's ass."
He is much better on the new medicine, but the doctor's still suspect he may have irritable bowel syndrome. That is Ok, because so do I, and guess what? There's nothing you can do!!!
Except for get a colonoscopy to look for tumors.
And I sure know how that goes.

2006-11-11T12:01:00.000-05:00

Here is Sancho in his Reflective Jacket for our 6am walks.

He is sick again. Bak to the vet this morning. Now we are trying some steiroids.

the best part about sancho is that he hates squirrels and chases them all over the yard. I hope he catches one soon.

sancho panza buddy pepper

2006-11-10T18:50:00.000-05:00

here is the little guy! he has been incredibly sick and has already cost us a small fortune in vet bills. it makes my stomach sick to think about it. he's damn cute though!

Mystery Meat

2006-11-09T22:30:00.000-05:00

For the past few days, Juan has been wandering around the house complaining that something smells funny.
For the past few days, I have been following Juan around the house, suggesting that he CLEAN something.
I have also been staring suspiciously at the ceilings for signs of a decomposing squirrel.

Today, the entire situation reared its ugly head. Juan was ready to tackle the Smell Issue. He started cleaning out cupboards, moving appliances, maniacally accusing the dog of leaving a "deposit" in some secret hiding place while we were gone.
It was not the dog, though.
He found the culprit in the cupboard where we keep all our baking dishes and supplies. One of us put a casserole dish back into the cupboard where it belonged. Except that the casserole dish STILL HAD A CASSEROLE IN IT.

hehehheheheeheheh!
That is almost as embarrassing as farting at the gym in front of your coworker.

Sweet Child O Mine

2006-10-18T17:50:00.000-04:00

Juan and I have added on to the family. My mom is even calling herself "Gramma Brenda".

We went and picked up Sancho Panza, the Wonder Poodle from the rescue home last Sunday. (The trek to Buffalo was an interesting one, what with the insane amount of snow and tree damage.)

Sancho is a very sweet, but VERY skinny (only 8 lbs) little black poodle. He was timid at first, though now we have discovered several of his endearing qualities, such as rolling in other dog's poop and ripping sanitary pads to shreds. (unused ones, and that was my sister's fault anyway)
I wish I had a picture to post, but the inlaws took my camera with them on vacation.
Hopefully soon!

Toilet

2006-10-08T16:24:00.000-04:00

I forgot to close the toilet seat again this week.
I dropped a bottle of Advil in there.
But it has a child safety cap on it, and no water got inside. And while the phobic side of my brain was screaming "Child-Proof does NOT mean Toilet-Germ-Proof!", the logical side of my brain said "If you spray it with Clorox cleaner, it will be FINE."

So I cleaned it with Clorox. But I will give Juan the first pill that comes out of that bottle.

Overzealous Church Lady

2006-10-02T21:31:00.000-04:00

I was walking into church on Sunday, when a pretty lady at the door handed me a paper and said brightly with a smile: "For Mothers of Young Children!"
I looked suspiciously around me for a young child that may have unwittingly attached itself to my shirt tail.
There were no young children on my shirt tail, OR looking through my purse for candy.
I handed the paper back to her and said "Uh, I don't HAVE any young children."

What I wanted to say was "Listen lady, can't you see that I am WAY too put together to have a screaming infant or naked toddler chasing me around the house all morning? For CHRIST'S SAKE, MY HAIR IS CURLED!"

I know, one day, I will not have the time or energy to wake up before church to curl my hair because there are 7 Puerto Rican bambinos with knots in their hair and snot on their shirt sleeves and shit in their diapers.
And on THAT day, when my hair is NOT curled, and my CLOTHES don't even match, THEN, you can approach me and hand me Sunday School registration forms.

Difference of Opinion

2006-09-21T21:23:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I was using my new allergy nasal spray (which by the way, is a MIRACLE drug) in our impossibly small bathroom. (Sorry auntie, but it really is tiny)

As the nasal spray was dripping from my nostril, I reached for a tissue with the same hand that was holding the spray bottle.

Then I dropped the spray bottle and it landed in the toilet.

"Oh, SHIT!" I yelled.

Juan ran into the bathroom to see what happened to me THIS time.
He found me peering into the potty at the floating prescription.

"Well, you could probably still use it" He offered helpfully.

" I DON"T THINK SO! I am NOT spraying that up my nostril NOW. It's covered in poop germs."

THEN Juan said "No babe, the WATER is clean. The bottle hasn't touched the sides of the toilet yet."

I said reproachfully "You better be kidding."

He didn't answer me, and I threw away the nasal spray.

"

Always Wantin' Me to Try Something New

2006-09-09T20:53:00.000-04:00

In Puerto Rico, there were LOTS of fruits and vegetables I have never seen the likes of before. Juan made me try them all. This is a Canapa. It is round...about the size of a globe grape. It is sweet, but has the texture of a goober. I spit the first few out. After about 10, I started to like the texture of goober.

Buddy

2006-09-07T16:27:00.000-04:00

A little over a year ago, we had to put Buddy to sleep. It was so very hard. Partly because he and I were alone when it happened, partly because I felt I was somehow betraying him.
I cried and cried for weeks and weeks.
Now the pain has dulled somewhat, but I still cry when I drive by the veterinarian's office where he died.
The feelings of betrayal have decreased, but not gone away completely. He was the love of my family's life (well, most of us anyway). I wouldn't do anything different, but it still weighs heavily on my heart.

Now that we have a house, Juan and I have been TALKING about getting a dog. Maybe, Possibly. Since I am SEVERELY allergic to anything that breathes, this has the be a careful and thoughtful choice.
Even if it doesn't happen, I figure it is a positive step towards healing, just to talk about it. For the past year I have been adamantly insisting that I will never have another dog because someday it will die....and that is too much pain to go through again.
So, we'll see!

Adventure in Roaches

2006-09-06T19:44:00.000-04:00

As you may be able to tell from my handsome, hulking husband, things are a lot bigger in Puerto Rico.

Including the cockroaches. This one was LITERALLY three inches long. For Reals.
In a hilarious yet stressful caper, Juan managed to flush this guy out of my suitcase and beat the life out of it with his sandal.

It was quite a feat.

2006-09-06T19:42:00.000-04:00

Here is my reaction.

Aging Bladder

2006-09-05T17:25:00.000-04:00

Last night our dorrbell rang urgently several times in a row, followed by the doorknob turning, and someone entering our home.

A woman ran through the doorway, yelling "I have to pee, I have to pee!, I have to pee!" and fled through the house, directly into the bathroom.

That woman was my mother.

Quiet Span of Sky

2006-09-04T14:29:00.000-04:00

We returned from our Puerto Rican adventure on Tuesday. What a crazy, wild place Puerto Rico is! It is an amazing feat that I returned home unscathed.We stayed with Juan's aunt and uncle up in the mountains. This is the view from their front porch.
I was enjoying some fresh home made lemonade (with lemons literally picked from the tree in the yard),and reading a book in the morning light when Juan came out to take my picture. It was so peaceful and quiet.
All that was quickly interrupted by the guttural moans of a pig being slaughtered by a neighbor.
I always thought pigs squealed.

Seriously, people keep livestock in their backyard. Instead of going to the store and buying the meat, they just go outside and catch a pig, chicken or turkey when it's dinner time.
And THAT is just the beginning.

Happy 4 Day Anniversary!

2006-08-15T16:06:00.000-04:00

On Saturday night, my best friend Catherine got married!
What a wonderful celebration of love.

It was a pretty crazy weekend, what with the rehearsal dinner, spicy french fries, incredible amounts of champagne, exposed genitals and karaoke.

This picture sums up a lot.

But certainly not all.

Lizabeth, I have a funny joke?

2006-08-09T21:25:00.000-04:00

It is interesting to have neighbors.

Especially neighbors in close proximity to my own house.

Especially neighbors that have a garden in their side yard, not more than 6 feet away from my bathroom window. Neighbors that spend a lot of time in that garden, and have probably heard my howls of pain and constipation on a weekly basis since we moved 3 weeks ago.

It is very difficult to smile and be friendly to people who pick cucumbers while I grunt and groan 6 feet away.

It is downright embarrassing, actually.

Juan suggested that i just close the window.

Adventures in Marriage

2006-08-02T18:57:00.000-04:00

As aforementioned, my incredibly loving husband just came home from the store with my suppository prescription. Check out the label on the box! An arrow pointing at a stick figure ass! There's one for the scrapbook.

As I have never used a suppository before, I approached the procedure with anxiety and humor. (Read: I couldn't stop giggling in the bathroom)And the label on the box doesn't warn you that if you don't squeeze your cheeks REALLY tight, the medication will jettison out of your ass at top speed and make a spectacular landing in the toilet.

I only write about this because I find toilet humor, and anything having to do with the excretory system fabulously funny. I do apologize if you do not share my sense of humor. My intentions are not to offend!

Hemmies

2006-08-02T18:23:00.000-04:00

Since my hemmorhoids and I are going to have a life long relationship, I figured I could give them an endearing nickname, such as Hemmie.

Juan had to go to the store tonight and buy me SUPPOSITORIES because I simply could not bear the thought of having to sit down in the car.

I love you Juan!!!

Sweltering

2006-08-01T21:33:00.000-04:00

Our heat index today is 110.
Degrees.
Farenheit.

I am not complaining, though.
We don't have to shovel humidity.

We got a new roof today.

I am so happy that there will no longer be any rain dripping through the bedroom ceiling!

Internal Hemorrhoids

2006-07-29T21:51:00.000-04:00

Whatever that is.

Sorry I've been gone so long! It took me a damn month to recover from the Colonoscopy Horror.
When I had to drink the gallon of horrid stuff, I mistakenly mixed in the "Lemon Lime" flavor packet. Now I can't even THINK about drinking lemon lime flavored beverages. SPrite, 7Up. It all makes me gag. SO sad.

Juan and I are renting a cute little house. It is my auntie's cute little house. She doesn't live in it anymore though.

We are learning the joys of Home Ownership, even though we are not Owners. Just Renters. We are also learning the Joys of Marriage, and conversations around here have been going something like this recently:

Juan: Babe?

Me: Yes?

Juan: Will you PLEASE stop leaving your books in the bathroom?!

Me: Can I at least leave them in the cupboard under the sink?

Juan: NO!

Preparing for a Colonoscopy 101:

2006-06-29T13:49:00.000-04:00

IMG_0062
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

3pm: Take 4 laxatives by mouth

4pm- Begin drinking the GALLON of diarrhea- inducing, intestinal scraping BLECH. Tastes like flat lemon lime soda mixed with 2 cups of salt.

4:01 pm- Vomit

4:02pm- Cry

4:15 pm- Drink another 8oz of blech.

4:16 pm- KEPT IT DOWN!

4:30pm- Drink another 8oz of Blech

4:45pm- DIARRHEA!

5:00pm- 8 oz of Blech

5:01 pm- Vomit AND Diarrhea!

5:15 pm- Gagging before I even get the cup to my mouth

5;16 pm- VOMIT!

5:18pm- Call dad, crying.

6:00 pm- Try Again. Juan sings the theme song to "Rocky"

6:01pm- Officially decide that colonoscopy preparation is a Crime Against Humanity. All gastroenterologists shall be sent to the gallows.

6:02 DIARRHEA!

7:15pm- Beg Juan to devise a nasogastric tube from common household supplies so I no longer have to swallow the wretched concoction.

7:20pm- More gagging...DIARRHEA

And so the cycle continued until MIDNIGHT. I only drank half the container and I threw up half of that.
But I did it.
Then the doctor shoved a tube up my butt and said there was nothing wrong with my colon.
On to the next test.
Sigh
.

Procedure

2006-06-28T10:50:00.000-04:00

IMG_0012
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

Hi!
I'm back.
After the wedding in St. Lucia, we had to get ready for our hometown reception with family and friends. It was a kickass party with BBQ and beer. It took some work and time, so I haven't had any free time for blogging.
Sad.
Anyway, today I am fasting. Because tomorrow I have a colonsocopy. Dear God.
I am crabby because I am hungry. And because I am gonna have a tube shoved up my butt tomorrow morning.

Butt Tubes + Hungry=Bad Combination

Contiued Illness

2006-05-22T13:29:00.000-04:00

Ripples
Originally uploaded by elevatedprimate.

Still sick.
In addition to the hydraulic acid, someone must have knocked me out and overzealously taken a steel wool pad to my throat.
It just keeps getting better.
Now the genius doctors are deciding whether I have a particularly drug-resistant form of strep, or mono.
Mono.
Fun.
Clonoscopies and Mono.
EXACTLY WHAT I NEED 3 WEEKS BEFORE MY RECEPTION

hypochondriac

2006-05-19T11:00:00.000-04:00

You know how some people always think they're sick, but they're not?

I'm one of those people that always thinks I am sick and I really AM sick.

Yesterday I went to the doctor because apparently, someone poured a bucketful of hydraulic acid down my throat. He said I either have strep throat or a virus. ANtibiotics haven't helped, so i am assuming it's the virus. Which means i just have to suffer. Sigh.

Today I went to see a specialist about my bowel function, since the IBS meds did NOTHING for my intestinal motility.
The doctor told me she would need to do a RECTAL EXAM.

A RECTAL EXAM!!!!!
WHAT??????
I wanted to shout at her "You keep your Rectal Examination Tool Thingy AWAY FROM MY RECTUM!"

She didn't though.

And then, later in the consultation, she said the singlemost HORRIFYING word in the english language. Eleven Letters that NEVER EVER EVER, should have been strung together to form a word with a definition.

She said:

COLONOSCOPY.

Referring that I SHOULD HAVE ONE.

Dear GOD.

More more more!

2006-05-01T17:25:00.000-04:00

IMG_0083
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

Hello friends.
Here are several more pictures.
I got hit with a HORRID sinus infection this weekend. I will send more pictures as soon as my eyes are able to focus on an object for more than 2 seconds.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/52847293@N00/sets/72057594118011814/

We Did!

2006-04-26T20:06:00.000-04:00

IMG_0043
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

yay! We are home an we are MARRIED!
Here are just a VERY few of the pics we took. I'm out of my flickr capacity this month, so more are on their way in May.

Check out this lin to see 8 of my favorite photos. Especially the one with my boobs looking fabulous.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/52847293@N00/sets/72057594118011814/

Countdown

2006-04-11T18:16:00.000-04:00

IMG_0110
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

Woohoo!
Juan and I leave Friday morning for St. Lucia, island paradise and fabulous location for the 'Liz and Juan" Wedding of the Century.
I can't wait to be on the beach with a pina colada, a book and a sunburn.
After 6 days of relaxing, we will get married on the beach with sand between our toes and the sun on our shoulders. Then it is back to the beach for another pina colada and another book. It is going to be sweet.
I promise to post pictures when I get home.

Here is a picture of the pile of presents that has been slowly but surely invading my home recently. If you can believe it, the pile has at LEAST doubled in size since I took this shot. It is now making an outward trek past the couch.

Shower 2

2006-04-11T18:08:00.000-04:00

IMG_0109
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

Here I am looking fabulous at my second shower. it was 3 weeks ago, and it was simnply wonderful. My bridesmaids did everything WONDERFULLY, and made the day as low key and NON STRESSFUL as possible (the open bar and enormous "beyong chocolate chocolate" cake helped immensely) I am SO lucky to have best friends who know me and love me so well.
The picture below is of the Roomba, the new robotic vacuum cleaner. A gift from mi madre. Guess what friends....IT ACTUALLY WORKS. No kidding. It even goes under the COUCH and the BED and sweeps up all those two year old dust bunnies that Juan keeps nagging you about....

hey!

2006-04-11T18:03:00.000-04:00

IMG_0100
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

Shower pics!

2006-03-19T11:54:00.000-05:00

IMG_0048_2
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

yay! i finally have a few minutes to post the shower photos! Here is a nice one of me opening some utensils.

Party Games

2006-03-19T11:53:00.000-05:00

IMG_0065
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

Here I am getting ready to play "Pin the Inflatable Cucumber on the Hunk"

I can't believe I survived this party.

One of a Kind

2006-03-19T11:52:00.000-05:00

IMG_0042_2
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

MaryBeth bought flesh colored fondant to achieve this life like penis color scheme.

Hmm..

2006-03-19T11:50:00.000-05:00

IMG_0041
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

What do you call large numbers of chocolate penises all together? A herd? A flock? A bevy?
MaryBeth's husband made the comment:
"There's just something about all those penises touching eachother that makes me uncomfortable."

Creativity

2006-03-19T11:47:00.000-05:00

IMG_0043_2
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

These cookies are not frosted brown on accident. Marybeth did that on PURPOSE.
They were good though.

IBS

2006-03-17T19:15:00.000-05:00

eos1954 blue triangles over processed
Originally uploaded by lifelive.

Today the doctor diagnosed me with irritable bowel syndrome.
it turns out that the strange, unexplained weight gain over the past few months has not been because of stress.
It's literally because I'm full of shit.

The pain, the pain!

2006-03-16T21:27:00.001-05:00

IMG_0494.CR2
Originally uploaded by utahman.brian.

Yesterday i got my bikini line waxed.

the experience was not as horrible as I expected (read: tears and massive bleeding), yet nowhere near PLEASANT (read: paper panties, megawatt flourescent light and the ripping of one's hair from one's delicate unmentionables)
However, i am now enjoying a cute little triangle.
I called my mom to tell her what happened. the conversation went like this:

Me: "guess what mom, I got my vagina waxed today"

Mom: a good 2 minutes of silence

me: "mom?"

mom: "Jesus Christ"

The pain, the pain!

2006-03-16T21:27:00.000-05:00

IMG_0494.CR2
Originally uploaded by utahman.brian.

the pain, the pain!

2006-03-16T21:21:00.000-05:00

IMG_0494.CR2
Originally uploaded by utahman.brian.

my my

2006-03-13T18:37:00.000-05:00

:: there he goes ::
Originally uploaded by gizi.

I have some entertaining picturs from the shower, though life has been too INSANE to post them.
I have been home an hour and half and all I've done is go to the bathroom,and make dinner.
WHERE DOES TIME GO?

I still have 6 reports to wrote and a sink full of dishes, and a good 30 thank you notes to wrote.

Commence the yanking out of hair and scratching out of eyeballs.

3 weeks

2006-03-09T17:53:00.000-05:00

_0014099bok1.jpg
Originally uploaded by meanjean.

It has been a loooong time since I blogged! I have been missing it terribly!
Today i have 10 extra minutes before I have to run out to my second job!
Woohoo! TEN MINUTES to MYSELF!

I am afraid that life will never slow down.

I have been busying myself with paperwork and wedding plans and second jobs, and endless, endless meetings, and doctors appointments. MRIs and injections and doses of radioactivity. My scan is tomorrow morning. Here's hoping I am cancer free once again. The doctors pronounced me "cured" last year, but that doesn't mean they can stop checking me. All the testing doesnt really bug me, mostly it is the part of missing so much work, being in the hospital and feeling like I'm "sick". God, that is a terrible feeling.

Anyway, tomorrow is my bridal shower for work. I do believe it will be quite raunchy. I hosted an especially racy party 2 years ago for a co-worker, and i fear REVENGE. I am suspicious that there will be Penis Shaped Water Bottles and Cameras.
THIS is a horrible combination.

I also suspect there will be DRINKING. And all of us know that LIZ CAN'T HOLD HER LIQUOR. So I am sure that vomiting will also be an exciting part of the evening.

I'll post pics when I recover from the hangover.

Wretching

2006-02-11T16:58:00.000-05:00

There is a creepy, creepy man who lives in the apartment below me. He only goes out in the wee hours of the morning for 20 minute intervals. He does not work. He has a webcam in his window. The windows are all completely covered in tin foil, except where the webcam is placed. The windows are closed at ALL TIMES, even in the sticky, 90 degree humidity of mid August.
I have lived here a year and a half and I have only seen him twice.

Today there is a horrid stench emanating from his apartment, and permeating our shared entranceway.
It is a combination of egg salad and scorched popcorn.

The effect is absolutely nauseating. The smell is beginning to waft into my apartment from under the front door.
I have opened all my windows (depsite the 19 degree temps) and lit every candle I can find. Let's hope whatever it is he's concocting down there isn't flammable.....

Rant

2006-02-08T19:26:00.000-05:00

Why is Britney Spears dumber than a doornail?
WHY???
What is UP with driving your FOUR MONTH OLD around in your LAP?
Good god.
I am not a parent, but I sure as hell know that if a paparazzi hit my car, then that airbag would MOST CERTAINLY SUFFOCATE MY CHILD.
HELLO!?

I guess it's true....Just because you have a child, it doesn't make you a parent.

oh Dear

2006-02-06T20:13:00.000-05:00

Last week, Juan had strep throat.
Two days later, MY throat started hurting.
The doctor put me on heavy duty antibiotics before the symptoms got any worse.

That damn penicillin can wreak some havoc on one's intestines.
Fer reals.
My new nickname around the house is:
"My little farting machine" (pronounced with a thick puerto rican accent, no less)

Sigh.
All I can do now is wait for the yeast infection.

Sunday Morning

2006-01-29T16:43:00.000-05:00

IMG_0035
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

Here is Baby in her pink feather boa collar.
Man, does she HATE IT.

It turns out I am allergic to Ginger too. Sigh. I'm not surprised. If something is alive, I am generally allergic to it. That is not even a little exaggeration.

I got the funniest email today, and here is the funniest part of it:

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs
> that Jesus was a Woman:
>
>
>
> 1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there
> was no food.
>
> 2. He kept trying to get a message across to a
> bunch of men who just didn't
> get it.
>
> 3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up
> because there was work to
> do.

HAHAHA!
Of course, i can't do ANY of that, but my mom can, and it's funny as hell.

Diva

2006-01-28T07:55:00.000-05:00

IMG_0036
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

Here is Miss Jolene is here new boa collar.

She keeps trying to chew it off herself.

Baby has one that is bright pink, and Jolene tries to chew that off Baby, too.

Now I need to decide what color for Ginger.

I am going to go visit Ginger and find out if I am allergic to her or not. If I'm not allergic, I am going to adopt her. And change her name. To Sancho Panza Buddy. She will go by Sancho for short.
Chances are, though, she'll cause me to go into anaphlayctic shock.

Ginger

2006-01-22T21:42:00.000-05:00

gingerdown
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

Oh dear.
It seems that my mother's soft heart has gotten her a THIRD dog.
We welcomed Ginger today. (Sorry, I couldn't figure out how to rotate the picture)
Ginger is the same age as Jolene (they are sisters). Ginger is 3 times the size of Jolene. Ginger is, in fact, bigger than Baby, who is her mother.

Since I'm in counseling now, I think I can accurately assess this new addition as: "Desperately Trying to Fill the Buddy Gap"
Sigh.

Yes, this is all true

2006-01-19T17:16:00.000-05:00

India
Originally uploaded by Pat Green.

Today I met a man named Enis.
Not "Enis" like Dennis. But ENIS, like pENIS.

I am still giggling about it.

Juan works with a girl, and her name is Jusdivine. As in, Just Divine.

Oh dear, and I thought it was bad that Juan AND his brother are BOTH named Juan.

The Company of Friends

2006-01-15T21:57:00.000-05:00

IMG_0026_2
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

Last week, I got together with all of my friends from college to have our annual christmas party.
Here we all are, with our respective significant others, and CHILDREN. Yes, my friends have CHILDREN now.
This photo is missing 2 dear friends. Carolyn got stuck in Staten Island, and Jen had to stay home with her 3 kiddos, one who had strep throat AND pneumonia.

I must say, most of my life, my friends have been my deepest comfort and joy. It is trite to say, but friends really ARE the family of our own choosing. I wish there were words eloquent enough to describe the safety, the love, the happiness and sweet peacefulness that fills my soul when we are together.

Thank you so much to the most wonderful friends in the world, Catherine, Jena, Christy, Megnut, Nicole, Foxy, Cheryl, Nicole, Lisa, Amy, Fookie and Carolyn.

The Super Squirrliest Christmas

2006-01-14T12:09:00.000-05:00

IMG_0028
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

So this is the most exciting gift I received for Christmas.

LOOK! They are Squirrel Place Card Holders from Pottery barn!

hahahaha! They are SO FUN! And realistic. Except that they are eating nuts. As we all well know, the squirrels at my house do NOT eat nuts. They eat chocolate chip banana bread.

I have spent a few days recovering from a FIFTH bout of stomach flu in the past 5 months. Juan thinks I am pregnant.
I am NOT.
The doctor told me it is just because I work in a school.
Personally, I think it is because the KIDS at those schools wipe their NOSES on my shirt and pants all day. This week somebody tried to wipe a BOOGER on my arm.

I must keep reminding myself.......Children are blessings, children are blessings, children are blessings......

Dear All

2006-01-12T17:58:00.000-05:00

DSC02133
Originally uploaded by cheripop.

Today I ate the most stupendous dessert. Yet it was healthy, and mostly good for me in some ways.
I suggest you all try it. You will be INSTANTLY happier.
Yes, INSTANTLY. It is THAT good.

Here we go:
Ingredients:
1 block of fat free cream cheese (or regular, if you are into that kind of stuff)
1 jar of Mrs. Richards Caramel ice cream topping

With a hand mixer, blend together the cream cheese and 2/3 of the jar of caramel until smooth and buttery.
Serve with sliced apples.

Instant happiness. See? I told ya.

Absence

2006-01-06T21:20:00.000-05:00

IMG_0014
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

This photo just about sums up the past 2 weeks. I was horrendously sick from christmas until today. A nasty upper respiratory infection attacked me at full force.
And the penicillin I've been on has done OTHER terrible things to my body, which I will not discuss.

When I wasn't sleeping, I was working and starting wedding errands. I went to Buffalo and tried on bridesmaids gowns for Catherine's wedding. We will all be super foxy.
I went to eat at Nola's BBQ, to try out their food for catering the reception. I must say, it was excellent.
Juan designed and completed our Save the Date Cards, we just need to print them and send them.

I have been dying to post about one of the best christmas presents this year, I just haven't had time to photograph i yet. Hopefully I'll get to it this weekend.

I am welcoming out of town guests tomorrow, and then having a rockin' christmas party with all my college friends.

Otherwise all is well. Sorry for such a boring update. But it helps me to know that all my far away friends can still know what I'm up to, even if you are 5 hours away, or 5 days away. Miss you. (Oh yeah, AND I'm PMSing)

Christmas Ecstasy

2005-12-29T21:31:00.000-05:00

IMG_0008
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

Here I am opening my pink rolling pin.

Nothin says lovin like a pink rubber rolling pin.

My sister is not quite so thrilled.

Merrychristmasmerrycristmas!

2005-12-26T18:57:00.000-05:00

IMG_0002_2
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

Here is Juan wearing a shipping box on his head.
He is cuter than Santa Claus!

It was a very nice holiday, with WAY too much food. My grandma brought double fudge brownies over, and that was the end of it for me.

I have been recovering today from a severe allergic reaction to Baby and Jolene. I love them desperately, but after spending the weekend at my mom's, my sinuses are revolting. They have been invaded by dog hair and they are PISSED.

One of the most exciting gifts i received was from Santa Juan, and it was the 40th Anniversary edition of The Sound of Music. Poor Juan has been watching the SIX HOURS of bonus features with me all afternoon. We're not even halfway through.

Another exciting object I acquired is a PINK RUBBER ROLLING PIN.
I can't wait to take Juan's picture while he's using THAT.

The Squirreliest Christmas

2005-12-23T19:00:00.000-05:00

IMG_0004_3
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

HAHAHA!
Look what my friend Lisa made me for Christmas!

It is currently displayed FRONT AND CENTER on my christmas tree.

Question

2005-12-19T20:00:00.000-05:00

AnnaLeah
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

These are my adorable third cousins Anna and Leah.
I do love them , and they are lovely little girls.
BUT WHY DO PEOPLE TAKE THEIR CHILDREN TO SEE SANTA IF THEY ARE ONLY GOING TO CRY?

I hereby pledge to leave the screaming children at home until they are 9, and can tell Santa that all they want for Christmas is a nice pair of holiday socks.

Baking

2005-12-19T15:28:00.000-05:00

IMG_0029
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

A couple weeks ago, I suggested we do a Cookie Exchange at work.
I did not know exactly what a Cookie Exchange entailed. I thought mostly, that everyone made a different kind of cookie and we got to bring home what we liked.

Turns out that is WRONG. You have to bake a dozen cookies for EACH PERSON in the cookie exchange.
So this weekend, I spent 6 hours making 12 dozen Amaretto Chocolate Chunk cookies.
It took me so long to bake them, largely in part to the fact that i only have one baking sheet, and also that I consumed the dough in mass quantity...

Dinner

2005-12-13T20:49:00.000-05:00

Kitchen
Originally uploaded by jrvan.

For dinner, I ate a salad with FRESH YELLOW ONIONS on top.

A lot of them.

And then I ate dark chocolate for dessert,

I am trying to run away from my own mouth, it smells so bad.

Reunion

2005-12-12T08:40:00.000-05:00

veget002
Originally uploaded by GôDiNô.

Yeah! I made it home safely through the Endless Mountain Region of PA. (It is ESPECIALLY endless with John Denver's christmas carols).
Juan and I were so happy to see eachother. I began recapping choice parts of the weeekend:

Me: My back hurts from sleeping on the foldout couch in the hotel room."

Juan: "Why didn't you just sleep in the bed?"

Me: Lisa slept in the bed.

Juan: It was a big bed. You could have slept there too.

Me: No, I could not have.

Juan: Why Not?

Me: Because them i would have farted all over her during the night. And that is a luxury i save for YOU.

RoadTrip!

2005-12-08T18:36:00.000-05:00

IMG_0883.JPG
Originally uploaded by NoeVictorian.

Tomorrow morning I am off to Philadelphia for a weekend conference.
I am driving with a coworker, who told me:

"I have a CD player in my car, so we can listen to CD's. I have a bunch of christmas music and show tunes!"

Fab.
Six hours of the Music Man and Show Boat should make for an EXCITING beginning to the weekend.

Spoils

2005-12-05T20:47:00.000-05:00

IMG_0029
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

Here are some of the cookies.

They are low fat, and actually incredibly enjoyable. The dough is hard to work with because there is so little butter in it, it has to be frozen to keep it's shape until ready to use.
The beautiful frosting job is accredited to Eileen. Except that one snowman in the back who has a blob of yellow frosting on his middle.
I got tired of frosting and just started plopping, and not spreading.
I have always dreamed of making those really beautiful xmas cookies with multi colored piping and silver decorations. But by the time the cookies are actually made, it is TOTALLY not worth it to frost 'em up pretty. Better to shove 'em in your mouth all warm and soft.

Gearin' Up for the Holidays!

2005-12-05T20:42:00.000-05:00

IMG_0026
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

Today my sister, my sister's boyfriend, my mom, Baby and Jolene came over to make christmas cutout cookies.

What a pain in the ass. (the cookies, not my family)

Here is Jolene, making herself at home on my couch. She is getting to be such a big girl. She weighs 8 lbs now, and just wants to be snuggled. We are all willing to indulge her.

Mr. Grinch

2005-12-03T21:13:00.000-05:00

IMG_3024
Originally uploaded by aggelos.

I just spent enough time to listem to the lyrics of the mr./ Grinch song. One of the lines says:
"He's got garlic in his soul."

Like it's a BAD thing!

Why Juan is a Genius

2005-12-02T21:04:00.000-05:00

DSC00237.JPG
Originally uploaded by jeffschwartz.

For over a week now, I have been hearing a strange "thud" noise coming from the back of my car everytime I make a right or lefthand turn.
This upset me quite a bit, since the car is new to me, and I bought it with the clear expectation that it would NEVER have a maintenance problem, EVER.
I told Juan about it this afternoon and we hopped in the car for a ride, so he could diagnose the problem.
I am making left and right turns and saying to Juan:
"That's the sound! THUD! DID YOU HEAR IT?!? Oh my god, my axle is broken, isn't it? My wheel is going to fall off ANY SECOND, isn't it!!?"
Juan looks at me and calmly says:
"Babe? That sound is your snowbrush, rolling around on the floor in the backseat."

I believe that is what Oprah calls an "Ah-ha Moment"

Slang Whatever Today Is

2005-11-29T22:44:00.000-05:00

Girl 1
Originally uploaded by spablab.

Since taking a second job to finance my elopement, the days are tending to blend into eachother. Today was a 12 hour work day, and so will be the next 2 days.

God Bless Juan for putting up with my crap.

Damn, I hate Bratz Dolls.

Anyway, i haven;t done slang saturday in awhile. Mostly because i suck. So here is Slang Today:

PADUNKADUNK:

Also known as badunkaunk, indicates that the subject has a lot of junk in the trunk. Big ass, use it to put your ashtray on. Smack it and ride the wave.
Damn, look at the padunkadunk on her!

This is my FAVORITE new word.
As in:
My padunkadunk looks fab in my wedding dress which I finally found this weekend.

Not So Bilinigual

2005-11-28T19:06:00.000-05:00

PB191859
Originally uploaded by kolitxa1.

Juan approached me today, and said
"I got you a present"

Me: "ooh! What is it?"

Juan: (opens had to reveal a 3 inch technological looking gadget)

Me: blink. blink.

Juan: It's a thumb drive.

Me: A whoosiewhatsy?!

Juan: It's 256 megabytes of memory.

me: English please?!

Juan: It's for the COMPUTER.

Me: Stop using BIG WORDS like COMPUTER! I don't UNDERSTAND YOU.

Funnyhaha

2005-11-26T22:31:00.000-05:00

IMG_0003
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

In an effort to please me, Juan has been growing out his FABULOUS thick, curly hair.
The tiny curly cues which pop up all over his head, delight me to no end.
Today I heard him in the bathroom, and the blowdryer was running. Curious, I walked in. I found him brushing his curls into a full blown afro.
It was silmultaneously the most freakish and hysterical sight of my life.
Then he asked me for the curling iron.
I stopped him right there, before he got into my make up.

Tuesday Night

2005-11-23T19:38:00.000-05:00

IMG_0014
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

6 AM alarm
+
7 hours of pre schoolers
+
1 hour workout
+
Nick's 24th Birthday party
+
4 (or was it 5?) vodka cranberries
----------------------------------------------------------
1 passed out girl

Overheard:

2005-11-19T11:35:00.000-05:00

Frosty November Morning
Originally uploaded by Flatcoat.

A group of people discussing an episode of Nip Tuck they had all seen, wherein a victim of an amusement park ride had her face torn off. The mother of a different girl, (comatose and NOT waking up), offers to donate her daughter's face to the amusement park ride victim.
Female: "The face replacement procedure didn't go very well, so I'm not sure what happened to the girl with no face."

Male: "I guess she could always be a greeter at Wal Mart!"

ooohh!!!

2005-11-17T21:03:00.000-05:00

Originally uploaded by christopherd6.

Ok, I ate the damn chocolate.
But I made myself eat carrots and an apple first. I'm figuring the nutrients may disguise the sugar.

Today I went into an adorable little sewing shop in a nearby village. I promised I wouldn't buy anything. The cash in my purse, however, had other plans.
I got THE CUTEST Amy Butler pattern. It is so cute that i squealed and flapped my hands in the air when I saw it. I can't tell you what it is, because I am going to make it as a present for Payton's VERY FIRST birthday in March. But I will post pictures in March, It will probably take me that long to finish it.
In other news, it is snowing here tonight. and I don't have a snowbrush yet.
I am also planning a drunken escapade next Tuesday. Stay posted. Those pictures should be interesting.

BitchFest

2005-11-15T20:05:00.000-05:00

IMG_3324
Originally uploaded by Solden.

I have absolutely NO excuse to be as bitchy as I am today. I got a good night's rest, the kids at work were charming and adorable, AND it is a payday.
While I was blow drying my hair after the gym, I asked Juan if he would please put away the leftovers from dinner. (We were in a hurry to go out)
Of course, he was glad to comply.
When I finished my hair, I walked into the kitchen, and there was Juan, sitting on the floor, surrounded by the ENTIRE contents of the fridge.
I was SO peeved.
I can't believe I am complaining because Juan was cleaning.
I guess it was because we needed to be somewhere and he started an entire project 10 minutes before we had to leave.

Possibly, the bitchiness is due to the lack of chocolate in my diet. I am trying very hard to eat less sugar. It is VERY difficult. And I am beginning to think, TOTALLY not worth it.

The World's Most Popular Board Game

2005-11-13T12:00:00.000-05:00

Olympus Trip 35
Originally uploaded by fortinbras.

Yesterday, in another wildly exciting Saturday night, Juan and I played Monopoly. For the first time together, EVER.

I think the first time one plays Monopoly with somebody, it is ALWAYS a revealing and potentially dangerous situation. It is a cut throat, take no prisoners kind of game.

First there was the argument about whose 'House Rules" we were going to play by. Then there was the compromise to just follow the directions, and play by Parker Bros. rules.
I then settled back to make obsrvations of my opponent. He is one of those pkayers that keeps his money in order AT ALL TIMES, and stacks it neatly to his right. I tend to separate my bills into piles, and anchor them under the board. Juan is also one of "THOSE" players that must keep a 500 dollar bill on hand AT ALL TIMES.
I also found out that he is not a very savvy propert trader. After I snatched up all the railroads, utilities, the orange, red and light blue properties, he was a GONER.
I opted to end the game nicely before I forced him into bakruptcy. My favorite quote of the evening was:
"You owe me 1500 dollars"
"What?! No!"
"Don't MAKE me go get the calculator!'

In other news, today I did my very fisrt "furbaby rescue!"
When Buddy died, I signed up to transport abandoned and neglected dogs to their new adoptive homes. So today I took Sierra partway to Albany, where she will get to live happily with her new loving family.
It is a really great website, you can visit the furbabies at:
www.shihtzuandfurbabyrescue.com

I'm Hiding

2005-11-11T17:15:00.000-05:00

jake postcard 1
Originally uploaded by brianna!.

Juan came over about an hour ago and told me we had to sit down today and make some decisions about our wedding reception.
Panic immediately set in.
So here i am typing away quietly in my bedroom while Juan makes dinner.
I am hoping he will forget that i exist. Then I can avoid making decisions.

I do not WANT to pick a "color scheme"!
I do not WANT to decide what color the frosting will be on our cake!
I do not WANT to decide what our centerpieces will be, and i DEFINITELY do not want to discuss anything about our families meeting eachother.

I feel a stroke coming on.

My dying wish is to eat my weight in chocolate.
I am going to start with the bag of chocolate chips in the fridge.

Sigh Again

2005-11-08T20:04:00.000-05:00

today 196
Originally uploaded by haymang.

I am having one of THOSE weeks.

The kind where EVERYTHING I touch falls on the ground. And NOT JUST fall on the ground, but fall on the ground and roll under the couch into the deepest, dustiest corner possible. And if it happens that what I am touching does not fall on the ground, something on the OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM falls, just to spite me and make swear at inanimate objects. This is frequently happening with my toothbrush. This is disgusting and makes me soak my toothbrush in alcohol twice a day because it fell on the bathroom floor, where i am sure all sorts of POOP GERMS are lurking. I have the kind of toothbrush that is electric and it costs 12 dollars to replace one head. So you see why i must soak in alcohol instead of buying a new toothbrush.

It is also the kind of week where I do the laundry, fold all my underwear and bras, and then I can't find them the next morning.
WHY CAN'T I FIND THEM the next morning? Because they are in my SOCK drawer.
I do not know WHY they are in my sock drawer, but I KNOW I must have put them there.

It is the kind of week where children at work have bowel movement accidents, and do not cover their cough when they are 3 inches from your face, telling you a story about Pokemon.

It is also the kind of week in which I have a head cold and a SEVERE case of PMS, which only makes everything THAT MUCH WORSE.

It is time for some hot apple cider, a good book and my fake down comforter. (Because, of course, I am ALLERGIC to the real kind. Just like I am ALLERGIC to everything ELSE on the FACE OF THIS PLANET)

On second thought, maybe I just better go right to sleep.

Sigh

2005-11-08T19:10:00.000-05:00

Rumor

2005-11-04T20:28:00.000-05:00

hung
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

Did anyone else hear that William Hung died last night in Vegas from a heroin overdose?

Newest Roomate

2005-11-03T21:57:00.000-05:00

I have MORE rodent problems.
MORE.
I should probably stop posting about all my apartment issues. I don't want strangers thinking that i live in some hideous, unclean place. It is really a lovely place with hardwood floors and a cute fireplace with blue tiles.
So anyway, the latest offender is my stove.
For 2 weeks, I have been telling Juan that I have a ghost, because each night, it sounds like someone is in the kitchen putting the dishes away.
Juan, being of the logical and intelligent mindset, simply blew me off.
But it turns out that I had TWO MICE livng in the BROILER DRAWER of my gas stove. How the pilot light didn't set them on fire is a mystery to me.
Has anyone ever tried those Have a Heart Traps, the kind that don't kill the mouse?
Yeah, THEY DON"T WORK.
So I bought the lethal kind, and the mouse problem is over. I found the last one this morning. The trap didn't exactly catch his neck. It caught him right behind the eyes. I will not go into detail about crushed skulls or bulging eyeballs.
I felt pretty guilty about it, but then I figured it was probably nicer to get it over with quicker than to turn on the broiler and watch a flaming mouse run across the kitchen floor.

Blind Hunger

2005-11-02T17:02:00.000-05:00

Out on a limb
Originally uploaded by LunaSol.

Today I went back to work from my bout of vomiting yesterday. I didn't eat much, so when i got home, I was STARVING! I attacked a pumpkin cake with cream cheese frosting that I left out on the counter (covered in Saran Wrap).
As I am shoving the pumpkin delight into my mouth, I look down at the cake.
The cream cheese frosting was COVERED WITH ANTS.
Apparently the balmy 60 degree weather we had today woke the battalions. AND THEY WERE HUNGRY. And they were eating my cake.
And I was eating them.

I love Pumpkin

2005-11-01T11:18:00.000-05:00

1
Originally uploaded by pangzi.

I love pumpkin bread, pumpkin pie, pumpkin cake, pumpkin seeds, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin donuts. Seriously, I could eat it everyday. (And I DO this time of year)
Juan hates pumpkin and it is a serious point of contention in our relationship. He makes gagging sounds whenever I pull something cinnamon-y and pumpkin-y out of the oven, all warm and ready for some butter .... mmmm.
Last night, at midnight, I woke up in a sweat, and had the "Uh-Oh" feeling. The kind of "uh-oh feeling" where you think to yourself: "If I am not within 5 foot access of a toilet at ALL TIMES, I will surely explode from both ends and soil my new sheets."
I RAN down the hallway and proceeded to vomit on an HOURLY basis until 5 am. I spent a lot of time on the bathroom floor, bargaining with God.
When Round 5 was finally over, I called Juan to give him the gory vomit details. I was expecting some sympathy and piteous cooing. Instead, I got: "It's all the pumpkin! STOP EATING PUMPKIN!"

Pumpkin Payton

2005-10-31T20:05:00.000-05:00

pumpkinpayton
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

Here is another type of dolly.
The cute, adorable, cuddly type.
The type with so much hair I can hardly believe it!

BOO!

2005-10-31T17:59:00.000-05:00

IMG_0005
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

I haven't been this afraid of a doll since Chuckie.

Baby

2005-10-29T17:53:00.000-04:00

IMG_0258
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

Introducing Baby.
Who is the mommy.
How ridiculous.
I called my mom 3 times every day for a week with new names for the dog. Poppy, Callie, Mimi, Leni, CoCo, Apple, Sean Preston....PLEASE!
ANYTHING but Baby!
Despite all my efforts, she is still Baby.
Which I suppose suits her since she likes to crawl up on Juan's chest, put her head on his shoulder and stretch out. Just like a baby.
Here she is in a rare quiet moment. The girl NEVER stops moving. Every picture I have of her is a blur of motion.
Her pink collar says "Princess".
How silly. But sweet.

woohoo!

2005-10-27T18:49:00.000-04:00

I'm here at my mom's house babysitting the dogs!
My mom went shopping and was afraid that Jolene might fall down the stairs if left to her own devices.
MY PARENTS HAVE A PC.
I HAVE A MAC.
I see now that Blogger is not MAC friendly, because i do not have all of these super fun options on my MAC.
DO not tell Juan that I wrote that. He hates my MAC.
And I hate PC's.
Except that i can use cool colors and fonts!

So anyway, Baby is scrtaching incessantly at the door. She wants to get in because we are hiding the bunny in here and she likes to chase it. Dogs and bunnies do not mix. SOmeone will end up with a broken neck. And knowing my sister's rabbit, it will probably be BAby.

Surprise

2005-10-26T18:21:00.000-04:00

IMG_0241
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

Here are some lovely blooms that Juan brought me last week. They brightened up all the rainy, cold weather.
Yesterday I had to stay home from work because I had the stomach flu. About 50% of the students on my caseload have had it, so it was really just a matter of time before it made the pilgrimmage into my intestines.

Sigh.

So yesterday was mostly lost to severe stomach cramps and lying limply on the bathroom floor. By the end of the night, I was feeling somewhat normal, and I made the most wonderful pumpkin bread loaf. I ventured to eat it this morning for breakfast. I toasted it and spread cinnamon maple butter on it.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM..................

2005-10-25T11:22:00.000-04:00

squirrel
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

I finally figured out what they're doing up there in my ceiling!

http://www.acaseofcuriosities.com/anthropomorphic.html

No, wait...

2005-10-24T15:42:00.000-04:00

IMG_0254
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

It TOTALLY gets cuter!

Warm Nose, Wet Paper

2005-10-22T22:33:00.000-04:00

IMG_0249_2
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

DOES IT GET ANY CUTER THAN THIS?
I didn't think so.
Jolene is currently peeing on newspaper but doing Number 2 anywhere she pleases.
I don't live with her, so it's fine with me. Plus, how can you get mad at anything THIS CUTE?

Out Damn Spot!

2005-10-19T18:21:00.000-04:00

IMG_0240
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

If my life was a Shakespeare play, it would totally be Hamlet.

Yesterday I stepped out of the shower, reached up for my new Brazil Nut Body Butter, and saw THIS on the ceiling.

Fear filled my heart.

I was certain I had another decomposing squirrel in my bathroom.

OF COURSE, Juan saved the day. With a simple investigation (read: He used a wooden skewer to poke a hole through the ceiling tile), he discovered it was NOT a rotting rodent. In a thrilling use of pure wit, he deduced that if the wooden skewer was able to poke cleanly through the tile without encountering any resistance (read: bumping into a dead rodent body), then the DAMN SPOT was simply some leaking water from the upstairs apartment.
I have never been more grateful for a water leak.
In other news, Baby and Jolene are coming home tomorrow. My mother bought Baby a pink winter coat. I think that's going a little too far, I mean, pink will really get dirty in the winter.
Pictures and nonsense to follow.

Hooray

2005-10-11T19:43:00.000-04:00

IMG_0235
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

My fabulous friend Catherine got me this fabulous cake plate to cheer me up because Buddy died.
I really really really love cake plates. A lot. There is an antique cake plate in my grandma's basement that I have been eyeing for over a year. I am waiting for a moment when she turns her back so I can wrest it under my T-shirt and stow it home, completely undetected.
So anyway, in honor of the fabulous cake plate, I made a Pineapple-Coconut-Banana Upside Down Cake this evening. Oh my god, it is so freaking good. And low fat. I used light margarine instead of butter for the topping, so the cake split a little on it's way out of the pan. In a momentary lapse of judgement, I photographed the side that fell off. I also didn't have any pineapple rings, so I had to use chunks. I really have to work on making my food actually look appetizing.

I am also celebrating because the strange rash which has been breaking out on every body part for the past 4 days is NOT a bunch of bug bites from horrible, flea like insects infesting my home. Neither is it from stress. Or the bird flu. And the doctor said "NO, IT IS NOT SEPTICEMIA EITHER!, WILL YOU PLEASE LET ME EXPLAIN THAT IT IS JUST A SEVERE ALLERGIC REACTION?!"
So me and my steiroids are off to eat some cake.

Mr. A-Z and Jolene

2005-10-08T11:36:00.000-04:00

IMG_0231
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

Here is another picture of the tiny puppy, Jolene. I have never seen a cocker spaniel puppy, but my mom says she looks just like one. Since a cocker spaniel was our first dog EVER, (I got her for christmas one year! Oh-the supreme joy of a puppy on christmas just cannot be duplicated) I believe my mom.

In other news, I went to a Carbon Leaf and Jasn Mraz show last night. I've loved Carbon Leaf forever, just never got around to one of their shows. They totally rocked it.
Jason Mraz was OK. He had his whole band with him, and I much prefer the laid back, acoustic, poetic Jason Mraz to the amped up, rockstar Jason Mraz. But that is just me being critical about things I know nothing about.

Introducing!

2005-10-06T18:36:00.000-04:00

IMG_0234
Originally uploaded by lizzyjane.

"Baby" and "Jolene"!

My mom's friend's are a foster family for rescued animals.
3 weeks ago, they rescued Baby (the mom) and her brand new litter of 4 puppies. Baby is a cockapoo who was living in a camper with 50 other dogs. She wasn't being fed and was eating the tablecloths and seat vinyl.
My mom, lover of all things severely abused and neglected, is thinking about adopting Baby and the smallest puppy of the litter. She keeps saying that she "isn't sure yet' about taking them home for good.
I am assuming that since she already named the puppy "Jolene", and bought a pink rhinestone studded collar for Baby, that they will be the newest additions to our family as soon as the puppies are weaned.
They are 5 weeks old, and Jolene is the tiniest. Her back legs slip out from behind her when she tries to run.
I was worried about meeting them today, not wanting to give up my love for Buddy. But it seems as if the heart just keeps finding enough love to go around.

Eating My Words

2005-10-05T17:18:00.000-04:00

just stir..
Originally uploaded by Ð×ßîŋά ♥.

I just found out that there IS a worse mistake than seeing the Corpse Bride.

It would be to have Tom Cruise's baby.
Oh Katie, you poor, poor, pitiable girl.

I hope you don't have any sofas in your uterus.

Don't

2005-10-05T16:44:00.000-04:00

Last night I saw the Corpse Bride at the movies.

Please, I beg of you, do not repeat my mistake.

Buds

2005-10-03T17:24:00.000-04:00

DOES ANYONE ELSE HATE EARBUDS?
Who was the inept jerk that invented earbuds?
THEY DO NOT WORK.
They are too big to fit inside my ears, they popped out 75 times during my 60 minute workout yesterday.
GOD, EARBUDS SUCK.

Six years ago I had surgery to remove some lymph nodes from my neck. While they docs were in there, they cut a nerve supplying sensation to my right ear, neck , jaw and scalp. As a result, I can't feel a damn thing on the right side of my head. I CAN'T FEEL IF THE EAR BUD IS IN THERE, and the only way i can tell it is gone, is when I can't hear the music in that ear anymore.

So I decide to problem solve, and go buy those ear buds that wrap around your ear.
THOSE DON"T WORK EITHER.
I can't feel if they are attached correctly around my ear, and it fell off 30 times today during my 30 minute workout.

I must resign myself to regular headphones with the foam covers which absorb sweat and collect germs.
dammit.

Introduction:

2005-10-02T17:10:00.000-04:00

IMG_2357
Originally uploaded by Jeannie Arthur.

Hello, my name is Liz. Thank you for mounting the elliptical trainer IMMEDIATELY next to me. I must have an incredible work- out vibe that you find irresistible. ESPECIALLY since the entire row of TEN elliptical trainers is empty, except for me. I suppose it probably would have been RUDE of you to give me a little space.
You see, I have this new ipod, and it has all sorts of fabulous music on it, which motivates me to work out harder and faster than usual. I play it really loud to keep my ass in gear. My favorite band is Phish, and I know you probably have no concept of a "jam band", but it is loud and feverish, frenzied music. I will continue to play my music at an incredibly loud volume, whether or not you are next to me. Simply because it was YOUR choice to work out 3 inches from me.
So to wrap up this conversation, BEWARE, ye with little understanding of personal space and jam bands....I will FART in your general direction and turn up my ipod just to bug the living shit out of you.

Who Died and Made the Puerto Ricans Jim Henson?

2005-09-30T15:42:00.000-04:00

Last night I was reminiscing to juan about television shows of my childhood. I started to atalk about the Muppets and Kermit, Miss Piggy and Fozzy the bear.

Juan: Who is Kermit?
Me: (shrieking) WHAT DO YOU MEAN "WHO'S KERMIT?"
Juan: WHO IS KERMIT?
Me: You know, the green frog, the one who dates Miss Piggy?
Juan: Who is Miss Piggy?
Me: (begins to have a panic attack) THE FAT PINK PIG WHO WANTS TO GET IT ON WITH KERMIT, THE ONE WITH THE FABULOUS WARDROBE!

It turns out that The Muppets in Hispanic television have different names. DIFFERENT NAMES!

WHO HAS CREATIVE LICENSE TO CHANGE THE MUPPETS NAMES?

And get this, the names are HORRIBLE.
I got up in Juan's face and demanded he tell me EVERY HISPANIC NAME of EVERY Muppet in existence. I totally freaked him out and I think he lost bladder control at one point. The stress made him forget several names, but these are the ones I managed to yank from his brain:

Fraggles= What's a Fraggle? (Dear God, save us all)
Gonzo= GONZALEZ (Ok, not TOO bad)
Miss Piggy= ROSITA (What the HELL? Rosita? That is the name of the Spanish maid on the Goonies!)
Kermit= (please prepare yourself) Kermit's name on Hispanic TV is: RENEE

RENEE.
WHO NAMES A CHILDHOOD ICON, RENEE?

The world is literally tearing apart at the seams. I may not survive.