The Squirrel Chronicles

As I was saying, the squirrel became quiet and I was able to sleep without any anxiety about small dogs or trapped rodents.
I even felt secure enough to place my toothbrush back on the bathroom sink.
The squirrel was quiet the entire next day, and I was joyous. Happily, the squirrel must have found his way back out into the wilderness.
On the second day of peace and quiet, I entered the bathroom and noticed a slight unpleasant odor. Not a typical bathroom odor, and by "typical" I mean bodily function odor, or mildewy shower odor.
It was an UNFAMILIAR unpleasant odor. I asked Juan if he smelled the unfamiliar and unpleasant odor. He sniffed around for awhile, but stated he couldn't smell a thing.
I decided I would need to clean the bathroom that weekend, as I had obviously missed something important last time.
The next day, upon returning home from work, I felt that the unfamiliar and unpleasant odor was even stronger than it had been the day before. Juan STILL could not validate the smell.
On the fourth day of peace and quiet, I had a late meeting at work. I sent Juan home to my apartment to start dinner, as I am a vengeful bitch if I am not fed by 5pm. When I opened the front door, I was hit by the unfamiliar and unpleasant odor immediately. Already in bitch mode as it was 5:01pm, I yelled at Juan "How is it POSSIBLE that you CANNOT SMELL THAT?????"
He calmly replied (he is ALWAYS calm): "Go look in the bathroom, right over the sink"
And THAT was when I saw it.
IT was a large RED spot , seeping into my bathroom ceiling tile.
I SCREAMED and ran into the kitchen where Juan was cooking.
"OHMYGODWHATISTHAT???????"
To which he calmly replied 'It's the squirrel. It's dead."
I SCREAMED, ran into my room and jumped in my bed. I covered my head with my quilt and commenced whimpering.
Juan came in to see if I was OK. I refused to poke my head out from the blankets, and in a strangled whisper I said: ....."please...please...will you please move my toothbrush into the kitchen???"
He smiled and complied. Then he told me that I needed to call the landlord, and that dinner was done.
Now, I need to take a moment here and explain that I am a HEARTY eater. I took Gross Anatomy in college, and I was able to dissect a DEAD human body and go straight to lunch following lab (still wearing my scrubs, which occassionally were flecked with small pieces of left over human connective tissue). I could also closely examine cross sections of the human brain (REAL brain, people) while snacking on jello or pudding cups. NOTHING comes between me and my meals.
Today, however, imagining a ROTTING RODENT CARCASS in my BATHROOM CEILING was TOO MUCH for me to take. I couldn't eat dinner.
I called the landlord from under the blanket and continued whimpering.
When the maintenance man rang the doorbell, I screamed. Juan was nice enough to let him in. Strangely, the maintenance man was accompanied by his teenage son. (Slightly disturbing, but I guess everyone gets their kicks somehow) I continued to cower under the blankets. I heard muffled voices, and rattling ceiling tiles. I screamed. I heard a large thump, and LAUGHTER! I SCREAMED! Why would they be LAUGHING????? I heard the crackling of a plastic bag, and then a collective "Ewww!" from the three men in my bathroom. I SCREAMED!!! I heard Juan say "yeah...that is DEFINITELY dead' and I heard the maintenance man say 'Whoa,that STINKS!"
I, of course, SCREAMED.
I heard the maintenance man replacing my ceiling tile, and then I heard them leave. I poked one eye out of the blanket and said "IS IT OVER??"
Juan assured me that the crisis was taken care of, and the CARCASS had vacated my apartment.
When the maintenance man opened the ceiling tile, he was using a large stick. There was laughter because he almost accidentally pushed the CARCASS down into the WALL SPACE. (Why this is funny, I have no idea. Maybe it was nervous laughter) Anyway, he ended up getting the CARCASS into a plastic bag. It appeared that the squirrel had chewed through my wiring and been electrocuted. He died in the corner over my bathroom sink, and immediately commenced decomposition. The RED SPOT was bodily fluids from his BLOATED CARCASS, LEAKING through my ceiling tile. Juan said that the CARCASS was so HUGE from being BLOATED that it was the size of BUDDY.. (Buddy is my mom's ELEVEN POUND poodle)
Ugh, the thought is revolting. May I also note here, that the maintenance man did NOT wear gloves OR a mask.
Sigh.
I think I have been retraumatized in the relation of this story.
It is also important to note that, without being asked, Juan then CLEANED the ENTIRE bathroom with Clorox.
And he also cleaned my toothbrush with alcohol and placed it back on the sink (that had been cleaned with Clorox).
And THAT is why I am marrying him!