The Squirrel Chronicles

This is a photo of the decor. This is an actual DECORATIVE FAN. It is made of WALLPAPER. the same wallpaper that is on the WALL! It is adorned with faux rosebuds and starched lace.
I have not seen one of these since I made one for my grandma in GIRL SCOUTS. I was SIX years old! You can tell by the look on my face that someone MUST tell me where I can purchase my own.
The bathroom is a whole other story. I took pictures of that too, but they just didn't look as horrifying as it really was, so i'm not posting them.
At this point, I became very anxious. The man who was supposed to show us around was late, and we had already traipsed through the entire place taking mocking photographs. I could only imagine the quality of food, and I was horrified at the thought of inviting friends and family to this place, only to assail them with mind-numbing wall paper patterns and asphyxiating odors eminating from all corners of the facility.
When i get anxious and worried, my stomach begins to CHURN. And of course, it did right about when we took this picture. I told Juan we needed to leave. he took my hand and we walked out. This made me more anxious because I was concerned about being rude to the man who was LATE for our appointment and who runs a most heinous banquet hall.
So we got in the car and drove away. And before i could even do anything, my stomach lurched and I did not vomit, but I FARTED. It was a terrible fart. An anxiety provoked fart is the worst kind. Juan just looked at me, HORRIFIED that I hadn;t even tried to hold it in. I started to laugh uncontrollably...big big belly laughs with tears streaming down my face. Then I had to roll down the windows. I will not go into detail why. I'm sure you all have been there and understand.
Juan said "Oh my god, that smells TERRIBLE!"
and as i continued to laugh and hold my stomach, I managed to squeak out "Not...as...bad.......as........Silver....Lakes!!!!""