Monday, May 09, 2005
NOTICE
There are some new rules at my gym. And I am the rule maker.
RULE #1
When you come to the gym, please be prepared to have a work out. Work Out can be defined as any one or all of the following:
a) Getting sweaty and red faced
b) Wearing sweat clothes resembling Monday Night TV Pajamas
c) Running so fast on the treadmill that it is impossible for you to discuss last night's episode of Desperate Housewives.
Work Out is NOT defined as ANY of the following:
a) Wearing trendy one shoulder lycra sports bras
b) Hanging around the juice bar flirting with counter guy
c) Spending 15 minutes in the locker room hairspraying your ponytail and applying mascara before spinning class.
RULE #2
As rulemaker of the gym, I respect the fact that you have small children. I respect it even more that you still GO to the gym with small children. However, Rulemaker no longer allows your FIVE YEAR OLD SON into the LADIES locker room where there are naked women. Although YOU may be comfortable exposing your own son to your own nude body, the rest of us in the locker room who are trying to change with some degree of modesty ARE NOT comfortable with your five year old son. Rulemaker cannot guarantee that your five year old son will not get an eyeful of my T&A while attempting to change into my sports bra and sweat pants. Yeah, try to explain THESE breasts to your five year old.
RULE #3
It is impolite and unacceptable to read Rulemaker's US Weekly magazine while you are on the elliptical machine next to me. I can SEE you looking over my shoulder at Jessica Simpson. Her abs are MY motivation. Please get your own magazine from the well stocked magazine rack to your left.
RULE #4
It is also rude and impolite to mount the Stair Master directly next to me when there is a row of SIX stairmasters which NOBODY is using. I prefer to sweat and breathe heavily in an isolated area, thank you.
If any of these rules go unheeded, consider yourself forewarned: There ARE "mystery farters" at the gym, and I AM ONE OF THEM.
RULE #1
When you come to the gym, please be prepared to have a work out. Work Out can be defined as any one or all of the following:
a) Getting sweaty and red faced
b) Wearing sweat clothes resembling Monday Night TV Pajamas
c) Running so fast on the treadmill that it is impossible for you to discuss last night's episode of Desperate Housewives.
Work Out is NOT defined as ANY of the following:
a) Wearing trendy one shoulder lycra sports bras
b) Hanging around the juice bar flirting with counter guy
c) Spending 15 minutes in the locker room hairspraying your ponytail and applying mascara before spinning class.
RULE #2
As rulemaker of the gym, I respect the fact that you have small children. I respect it even more that you still GO to the gym with small children. However, Rulemaker no longer allows your FIVE YEAR OLD SON into the LADIES locker room where there are naked women. Although YOU may be comfortable exposing your own son to your own nude body, the rest of us in the locker room who are trying to change with some degree of modesty ARE NOT comfortable with your five year old son. Rulemaker cannot guarantee that your five year old son will not get an eyeful of my T&A while attempting to change into my sports bra and sweat pants. Yeah, try to explain THESE breasts to your five year old.
RULE #3
It is impolite and unacceptable to read Rulemaker's US Weekly magazine while you are on the elliptical machine next to me. I can SEE you looking over my shoulder at Jessica Simpson. Her abs are MY motivation. Please get your own magazine from the well stocked magazine rack to your left.
RULE #4
It is also rude and impolite to mount the Stair Master directly next to me when there is a row of SIX stairmasters which NOBODY is using. I prefer to sweat and breathe heavily in an isolated area, thank you.
If any of these rules go unheeded, consider yourself forewarned: There ARE "mystery farters" at the gym, and I AM ONE OF THEM.
# posted by lizzyjane @ 7:04 PM 
Comments:
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i.love.you. i am SO not feelin the 80 lb 17 year old girls with their little tank tops and even littler shorts, with the perfectly coiffed hair and makeup, when i have a good 100 lbs on them, and about 3 times the sweat.
and i would like to add rule #5.
please please PLEASE take your old lady boobs out of my face. i do NOT need to be seeing that shizit when i am about to go work out, because nausea and treadmills do not mix.
-- nut
and i would like to add rule #5.
please please PLEASE take your old lady boobs out of my face. i do NOT need to be seeing that shizit when i am about to go work out, because nausea and treadmills do not mix.
-- nut
# posted by 
: 9:49 PM
: 9:49 PM
This post made me want to make out with you. Just not at the gym.
I need you enforcing your rules at a stairmaster near me. I also would prefer if people would not a) stare at themselves while doing bicep curls, and b) recognize that grey spandex and sweat are never a good combination.
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I need you enforcing your rules at a stairmaster near me. I also would prefer if people would not a) stare at themselves while doing bicep curls, and b) recognize that grey spandex and sweat are never a good combination.
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