The Squirrel Chronicles

Hello, my name is Liz. Thank you for mounting the elliptical trainer IMMEDIATELY next to me. I must have an incredible work- out vibe that you find irresistible. ESPECIALLY since the entire row of TEN elliptical trainers is empty, except for me. I suppose it probably would have been RUDE of you to give me a little space.
You see, I have this new ipod, and it has all sorts of fabulous music on it, which motivates me to work out harder and faster than usual. I play it really loud to keep my ass in gear. My favorite band is Phish, and I know you probably have no concept of a "jam band", but it is loud and feverish, frenzied music. I will continue to play my music at an incredibly loud volume, whether or not you are next to me. Simply because it was YOUR choice to work out 3 inches from me.
So to wrap up this conversation, BEWARE, ye with little understanding of personal space and jam bands....I will FART in your general direction and turn up my ipod just to bug the living shit out of you.