The Squirrel Chronicles

yay! i finally have a few minutes to post the shower photos! Here is a nice one of me opening some utensils.

Here I am getting ready to play "Pin the Inflatable Cucumber on the Hunk"

I can't believe I survived this party.

MaryBeth bought flesh colored fondant to achieve this life like penis color scheme.

What do you call large numbers of chocolate penises all together? A herd? A flock? A bevy?
MaryBeth's husband made the comment:
"There's just something about all those penises touching eachother that makes me uncomfortable."

These cookies are not frosted brown on accident. Marybeth did that on PURPOSE.
They were good though.

Today the doctor diagnosed me with irritable bowel syndrome.
it turns out that the strange, unexplained weight gain over the past few months has not been because of stress.
It's literally because I'm full of shit.

Yesterday i got my bikini line waxed.

the experience was not as horrible as I expected (read: tears and massive bleeding), yet nowhere near PLEASANT (read: paper panties, megawatt flourescent light and the ripping of one's hair from one's delicate unmentionables)
However, i am now enjoying a cute little triangle.
I called my mom to tell her what happened. the conversation went like this:

Me: "guess what mom, I got my vagina waxed today"

Mom: a good 2 minutes of silence

me: "mom?"

mom: "Jesus Christ"

Yesterday i got my bikini line waxed.

the experience was not as horrible as I expected (read: tears and massive bleeding), yet nowhere near PLEASANT (read: paper panties, megawatt flourescent light and the ripping of one's hair from one's delicate unmentionables)
However, i am now enjoying a cute little triangle.
I called my mom to tell her what happened. the conversation went like this:

Me: "guess what mom, I got my vagina waxed today"

Mom: a good 2 minutes of silence

me: "mom?"

mom: "Jesus Christ"

I have some entertaining picturs from the shower, though life has been too INSANE to post them.
I have been home an hour and half and all I've done is go to the bathroom,and make dinner.
WHERE DOES TIME GO?

I still have 6 reports to wrote and a sink full of dishes, and a good 30 thank you notes to wrote.

Commence the yanking out of hair and scratching out of eyeballs.

It has been a loooong time since I blogged! I have been missing it terribly!
Today i have 10 extra minutes before I have to run out to my second job!
Woohoo! TEN MINUTES to MYSELF!

I am afraid that life will never slow down.

I have been busying myself with paperwork and wedding plans and second jobs, and endless, endless meetings, and doctors appointments. MRIs and injections and doses of radioactivity. My scan is tomorrow morning. Here's hoping I am cancer free once again. The doctors pronounced me "cured" last year, but that doesn't mean they can stop checking me. All the testing doesnt really bug me, mostly it is the part of missing so much work, being in the hospital and feeling like I'm "sick". God, that is a terrible feeling.

Anyway, tomorrow is my bridal shower for work. I do believe it will be quite raunchy. I hosted an especially racy party 2 years ago for a co-worker, and i fear REVENGE. I am suspicious that there will be Penis Shaped Water Bottles and Cameras.
THIS is a horrible combination.

I also suspect there will be DRINKING. And all of us know that LIZ CAN'T HOLD HER LIQUOR. So I am sure that vomiting will also be an exciting part of the evening.

I'll post pics when I recover from the hangover.