The Squirrel Chronicles

3pm: Take 4 laxatives by mouth

4pm- Begin drinking the GALLON of diarrhea- inducing, intestinal scraping BLECH. Tastes like flat lemon lime soda mixed with 2 cups of salt.

4:01 pm- Vomit

4:02pm- Cry

4:15 pm- Drink another 8oz of blech.

4:16 pm- KEPT IT DOWN!

4:30pm- Drink another 8oz of Blech

4:45pm- DIARRHEA!

5:00pm- 8 oz of Blech

5:01 pm- Vomit AND Diarrhea!

5:15 pm- Gagging before I even get the cup to my mouth

5;16 pm- VOMIT!

5:18pm- Call dad, crying.

6:00 pm- Try Again. Juan sings the theme song to "Rocky"

6:01pm- Officially decide that colonoscopy preparation is a Crime Against Humanity. All gastroenterologists shall be sent to the gallows.

6:02 DIARRHEA!

7:15pm- Beg Juan to devise a nasogastric tube from common household supplies so I no longer have to swallow the wretched concoction.

7:20pm- More gagging...DIARRHEA

And so the cycle continued until MIDNIGHT. I only drank half the container and I threw up half of that.
But I did it.
Then the doctor shoved a tube up my butt and said there was nothing wrong with my colon.
On to the next test.
Sigh
.